Friday, June 6, 2008


Last year, I posted about FLOW and what I hoped to gain from it. I fully expected to leave a bit more selfless, a bit less self-centered. This year, I don't know what to expect or hope for because when I think about it, I know that nothing will change just because I went to FLOW and had some amazing experience.

I don't say that to be pessimistic, but to be realistic. In all reality, five days are not going to absolutely change my life. God is the only one that will do that... He's the only one that will change this stubborn heart of mine and make it His. It will take effort on my part (surrender) but it's His work. Not mine, not Mr Mike or any of the other teachers... it's His!

Even so, the FLOW has been such a huge part of my testimony that I know that it is definitely something God uses to change a person. If not for this conference I wonder just when my growth would have taken place or IF it would have taken place. I remember sitting on the edge of the porch of my cabin wondering what in the world I would do for the time set aside as a "quiet time". I have no idea what I did but I remember realizing that there was more to knowing God than just knowing Him by name and trusting Him as my Savior. I think I realized it when I saw people in Cherith raising up their hands, faces aimed at the ceiling as they praised God, while others sat on the steps, knees pulled up to their faces, bowed down as they talked to Him. I saw that people relate differently toward one God and that He speaks differently to each of them also. The very idea that God COULD relate to each person differently from all others was so neat to me and I really saw it in that crowded room as the band played. And I wanted it so badly. I vividly remember looking across the room and seeing Charity, her long hair streaming over her face as she knelt to worship God. I wondered how she could be okay with that and not wonder what everyone else was doing. I wondered why she didn't care what they thought. I definitely wanted to live like that and not try to copy people or try to meet their ideals.

I don't remember a prayer I made for change or even much of a concious effort to live differently. I have no idea when the changes I wanted happened exactly, but each FLOW has been a landmark in my growth. I realize, hey, I'm not struggling about such-and-such anymore or wow, God has grown me in this! All I know is that I have a very real God. He's definitely present and wonderful. I've seen Him work every single year at FLOW (in my life and in the lives of others). I've realized that this five day conference can indeed be life-changing, but that it's all because of the power of the living God.

I'm excited about this year - the theme is "refresh". This is the best conference I've ever been to and I'm glad that one of the things about me staying a year longer in Beaufort than planned was that I'd get to go to FLOW again - thank You, Father! I'm excited to see how it works in the lives of my junior high girls who will be going (two in particular that I'm praying pretty hard for are going!) and just how God uses it in general in the lives of the leaders and students. I'm positive God will work. We may not see how immediately but that doesn't mean He's inactive... I've seen that in myself and I'm writing it here as a reminder to myself to trust in Him with all my heart - His timing is perfect, as are all His ways.

Nine days!

1 comment:

  1. wow. I loved your post dearest! It was very inspiring. I can't wait for FLOW either!
    love ya!


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