adjusting

I'm having a hard time adjusting back to life over here!
*I got eight hours of sleep last night but unfortunately that's because I fell asleep at 6pm. The clock in my head is very confused, trying to figure out the 12 hour time difference. I'm not really sure what time my brain thinks it is right now... but I can't wait for the jet lag to go away!
*I'm also not so thrilled about moving anymore. Thinking about all the people I must say goodbye to and all the "last things" before I leave is getting in the way of my excitement. It set in the day I left Ukraine and hasn't left.
*The day I got back from China, I was informed of two things that really shocked me. My great grandma died the day I got back, as did Molly's mom. I'm glad they're out of pain and that they're living like they were meant to, but it's hard to get over.

Since I haven't exactly been sleeping, I've been doing some thinking. At first, many of my thoughts were very self-centered. I whined inwardly about all these things, made them seem worse than they were...
And then I read through the journal I kept during the trip. And thought about what God did. And guess what? Yeah, that's right, I was convicted:

thoughts on James 1:2-4 (2nd day in Ukraine)
-consider... a concious effort
-all joy... making your mind choose to view things with joy when encountering trials
-knowing...understanding that a trial is not the end, but that your faith in God through it will produce endurance
-endurance...commitment to keep going, not backing down (note says steadfast)
-we are perfected and completed as we rely on God and put faith in Him
-side note next to "perfect and complete" says "mature"... we grow in faith as we exercise it

A song that we sang often in camp in China went like this: "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice, Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice, Rejoice, rejoice, again I say rejoice..."

Instead of giving many of my problems to God, I dwell on them. These verses really got me:
He who planted the ear, does He not hear?
He who formed the eye, does He not see?
He who chastens the nations, will He not rebuke
Even He who teaches man knowledge?
The Lord knows the thoughts of a man, that they are mere breath.

If the Lord had not been my help,
My soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence.
If I should say, "My foot has slipped".
Your lovingkindness, O Lord, will hold me up.
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your consultations delight my soul.
{Psalm 94:9-11,17-19}

The conclusions I've come up with, based on reading God's word, reflecting on all He's done, and reading my own reflections are these:
* Decide to give my anxious thoughts to God now
* Think about all the things God has done. Why wouldn't I consider it all joy?
* Rely on Him, not my feelings
* Rejoice in the Lord always, no matter what

Now, typed out, it sounds like all I'm doing is sitting around sad. I'm not. I do a lot of sitting around, but that's not because I'm sad... I really don't have a whole lot to do. It's really weird to get back to life when life seemingly involves nothing of purpose. I realize that it does have purpose but it's different from anything I did in Ukraine and China. I'm praying for eyes to see what I should be doing so I can act on it. I hope to get over the jet lag so I can live during the day instead of just at night :)
...and the moving thing... I know that's where God wants me, so I'm pretty sure all the worries about going and anxious thoughts are part of a scheme to upset my focus from God, where it should be. Now that I've thought about it and prayed about it, I'm actually quite excited about the new life in Spokane. A little scared, but if God wants me there, He will provide for me.

How refreshing it is to have perspective from God's Word!