Beaufort and Baby Showers

In case you missed my other post about it, Morgan is having a baby! This is cause for much celebration, and with babies, the best celebration is a baby shower. I offered to host her shower in Beaufort off-hand, and it became a plan, so at the end of June, we headed up to our hometown to shower that baby boy!

We were going to go on the Friday before the shower, but Morgan was off work and I got off work early, so we went on Thursday. That turned out to be a great idea because we got more time with Grandmama, and little did we know that we were going to need more time there. 

We arrived around dinnertime, and took an after dinner stroll out to the dock. Grandmama takes sunset pictures every night, and I take them every time I'm out there at sunset. It's captivating every time, even though it can't be captured fully, and especially not in an iPhone photo. 

It was getting dark, so the light was not great for pictures, but we took them anyway. Here's one of the "big two" with Grandmama. Sydney, Morgan's sister, was out there too, but none of my pictures with her in them turned out even remotely acceptable. Sorry, Syd! 

Speaking of, since Sydney was with us, and that never happens without the whole family there, Morgan's and my eyes were opened to the reality that we sit at the top of the grandchildren totem pole. Morgan, my sister Becca, and I are the three oldest grandchildren, and we spent lots of time at Grandmama's when we were younger. Then lots of grandchildren were born in short succession and time with those grandchildren (with the exception of my family, everyone else moved away) was shorter. So poor Sydney (grandchild number six) was very loved, but didn't get the perks we had. We realized that for the first time, oops. 

I went down the next morning to ask Granddaddy about getting a watermelon, so here's a picture of him working while I beg him for something. Definitely not the first time this scenario has occurred. 

We had crabs for lunch. The newspaper was from last July, so we read about the World Cup finals as we ate. (see our personalized cups as oldest grandchildren? Morgan, Becca and I each have one, and then there's one with everyone else's name on it - Sydney didn't want that one)

We spent Friday afternoon going through old books we loved as kids and making lists of the ones we wanted to look up to add to our collections. 

Morgan went to take Sydney to her other grandparents' house and the rest of us ate Grandmama's delicious spaghetti (my favorite) in the living room while watching Aerial America, Ohio.

When Morgan got back, we looked through old pictures and tried to figure out what Baby Colucci is going to look like. We're pretty sure he's going to look at least a little like Morgan. 

I got up early the next morning and went to my parents' house to help set up for the baby shower. 

We covered marshmallows in colored white chocolate and dipped in sprinkles. This Amazon box was our solution for drying them in the fridge. 

It was sort of a bow tie/little man theme. I didn't want to go too overboard, but I did want to use little bow ties in a banner. And that basket on the bench was for children's books. I had people bring a book instead of a card, and there were some really cute ones!

Mini and Oscar, the dogs, were not supposed to be invited, but they don't do well in a room alone (they cry) and we didn't think the goat pen was a good solution, so they were there. They were fairly well behaved, but Oscar kept sitting on the back of the chair. 

The shower was all family and long-time friends, so almost everyone knew each other already. After gifts were opened, people stayed for an hour and a half just talking. 

We played a game similar to the newlywed game where we asked Caleb questions about babies/being a dad and Morgan had to guess his answers. He was pretty accurate about most of them, but his answers still made us laugh. 

After the guests left, Dad and Scott came home and Jillian came over. In his excitement, Oscar sat on Mini to get to Dad. 

It was great hanging out with Jillian at my parents'. We stayed up until very late talking, laughing and crying. It was very like old times. 

The night was late, and circumstances made it seem longer. I stayed up very late and after church when Dad and I went back out to Grandmama's, I took a nap in the hammock. 

Granddaddy had the aforementioned watermelon waiting for us and it was delicious. 

Grandmama and I left shortly after to take a trip to Labor and Delivery. 

After the baby shower, Morgan had to go to the emergency room. They weren't sure if she and the baby were okay so they stayed until Monday morning. Since there was a chance Baby Colucci would arrive, Caleb, his mom, Uncle Mark and my cousin Stuart all came up from Ocala. The baby ended up being okay and they just put Morgan on bed rest until further notice, but since we didn't know anything for certain, Carson decided to come up as well to get me just in case my ride had a baby. 

I took another sunset picture when we got back.

Carson arrived at 1:30 in the morning. When he got up, there was quite the breakfast spread on the table.

Still tired, I took a nap after breakfast. When I woke up, plans had been made to go to Hilton Head and eat at a restaurant Granddaddy and Grandmama had told us about, The Skull Creek Boathouse. Carson and Grandmama had fish sandwiches and Granddaddy and I had shrimp baskets.

Then we tried to get a group picture.

Next, we went out to Harbour Town in Sea Pines. Even though I grew up near there, I've never been to Sea Pines or really explored Hilton Head at all. It's funny the things you miss when you live in a place (and a reason we made a bucket list in Cleveland - so we didn't miss as much).

We would have gone up in the lighthouse, but it was expensive, so we settled for a picture.

And here we are on the 18th hole of the golf course. Dad and Granddaddy have gone out there a lot for golf tournaments, but I hadn't, so we had to take a picture on the green.

Next, Granddaddy suggested we go to the Salty Dog Cafe. We didn't get food, but we did get T-shirts. I'm sure you've seen these shirts around. I've never seen so many as we did when we lived in Ohio. I think the entire state vacations in either Myrtle Beach or Hilton Head in the summer, and it cracks me up. 

We had a lighter dinner but a decent amount of dessert that night, and a big breakfast again in the morning. Carson and I met Mom at Alvin Ords, my favorite, for an early lunch before heading back to Tallahassee. 

Our weekend in Beaufort took an unexpected turn with Morgan, but I'm so glad she made it back to Ocala safe and sound with the baby still inside her. It would have been very exciting to say that she had a baby in South Carolina, but thankfully it didn't have to be! I had a great time with Morgan and then loved exploring with Granddaddy, Grandmama, and Carson. 

Three Things: Exercise

Here are three things about exercise and us right now. (I'm back-scheduling this because I realized that it didn't publish when it was supposed to before).

1. I've been doing a push-up challenge for a little while now. For 100 days, you do 100 push-ups a day. That's every day. I haven't been doing them on days where I'm sick or travelling the entire day, but for the most part, I've been fairly faithful. I've noticed a little difference in definition, but nothing truly amazing yet. Maybe if I hadn't skipped those days?
2. An app I found that's actually pretty great is the 7 Minute Workout. I mean seven minutes is nothing, but by the end of it, I'm typically a little sweaty. When I do it, I do usually a few rounds in a row. The app remembers that and rewards you for days worked out in a row, multiple circuits in a day, and will open new sets of workouts once you meet your goals.
3. Carson's been running a lot, but I haven't. My knees have gotten to the point where running or too much stress on them is pretty painful, and I can't tell if it's the sort of pain where you push through or where you don't, so I haven't been running. I'm trying to build them up and to do other forms of cardio that aren't running, instead. 

Small Glimmers

I still don't know what it feels like to feel a baby kick for the first time. I don't exchange nursing advice with fellow moms, or have a birth story to share. 

In fact, much of the time I feel pretty lonely. Three years later, many of my friends have gotten married, had babies, and some are on their second child in that time. This is not easy for me. It's hard living with this strange reality, where I want something good, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's hard to live with the questions that come up inevitably - did God forget? DOES He have a purpose in all of this? Waiting has gotten easier in a sense because it's normal, but the hurting doesn't stop. 

I remember June 11, 2012 vividly. The morning, waking up to bid my teammates farewell as I stayed behind for four more weeks in Ukraine. I remember the nap on the bus on the way home, and the way my heart stopped when we stopped for a bathroom break and I saw blood. It was red. It was not right. I knew that immediately. "Nonononono" I repeated to myself for the remainder of our drive, recalling things I'd read about bleeding, very few of them with hopeful outcomes. It didn't feel like something I was going through. I was numb, staring out the window with my mind racing through so many things. I was in another country, on a bus, and I was in this place for four more weeks. What and why and how and what should I do? 

I prayed, and tried to at least look calm. I was afraid, and I'd never been afraid like that before. 

I wish this memory were distant. I wish that there had been a happy outcome and that I barely remembered that day. The truth is that I remember it all. The blood, the pain, the sobbing alone in the bathroom and the backyard. If my memory were a movie, it would be shot with that shaky camera technique, because that's how it feels - vivid but also a complete blur. 

And it was three years ago. Three. 

Were I to have had a baby in the time since, I don't know how I might feel about this day, but right now, I look at June 11 as the very beginning of a chapter. A much longer season than ever anticipated. A black hole, perhaps. And while I do have hope, I wonder if this was the beginning of the rest of my life or if it really is just a small season. Will I feel that baby kick? Will I hear the first gasps for breath from a newborn? 

I feel like today I am still only picking up the pieces. I am still understanding what it means to hope in God while not getting what I want. I'm still not sure what He will have me do if not be a mother, and still not sure if I'll like the answer when it arrives. I still have a lump in my throat when I think very much about this, and still don't know how to talk about it without it sounding like a personal pity party. 

I still don't have answers, and that makes it all the more difficult to process. I hope and pray that at least the season of miscarriage has ended, or at least I think I hope that, as this is the only pain of infertility I really know. 

I think more than anything, I hope to really see a reason one day. I don't expect a shining beacon in the clouds, but I see small glimmers and I do hope to one day look back and say, "oh, because of that horrible thing (those horrible things), this other blessing has come!" It doesn't take the pain away, but it somehow makes it beautiful, to know there's a reason. And I do know there is, and I am hopeful that I will see it and that I will use it and that I will praise Him. 

He brings beauty from ashes. Beauty from pain. 

Luigi's First Shower

My cousin Morgan is like a sister to me, and she only lives three hours away, so when I got the invitation to her baby shower, I knew I would make the short drive.
Carson saw me off in the fun shirt we got in Disney World.

The drive was slightly eventful... at one point the rain was so bad that I could barely see out the window, but I got there in one piece and actually beat Morgan home from work.

Morgan and Caleb had just moved the weekend before, so I got to see their new house (which was of course all set up and totally unpacked because that's how Morgan is). We ate dinner on the back screened porch.

Later that night, we went to Brusters for ice cream. Neither of us are accustomed to being up or out that late, so we had to document getting ice cream at 10:45.

The baby shower was the next morning. I didn't take many pictures, but everything was decorated so well and the food was delicious. 

We got back home, and took a picture with "Luigi" 

Morgan had fun showing Caleb all the spoils from the shower.

And later that evening,  Morgan tried to get video of Luigi doing some crazy kicks and flips in her belly. 

The next morning, I drove home. It was a perfectly sunny drive. 

The day was still young, so Carson and I went to Which Wich for the first time. I think it's relatively new to Tallahassee, but even if it isn't, it was new to us and we LOVED it. We'll definitely be back soon.