For Granted

(written 15 June 2012)

No matter what would have happened, our baby belonged to the Lord and not to us.

It's easy to think that you have control of a situation, even if in the back of your head, you know God has it all in His hands. I'm sure parents are reminded that their children are in God's care and not theirs constantly and have to trust God to protect and lead their kids after His ways. But I'm sure that they forget too. In my desire for this child, I asked God why. I still wonder why:

Why did you take my baby, God? 

But it wasn't really mine. That baby was always in the hands of the Lord. Whether it lived a long life here on earth or went to be with the Lord before it took a single breath, that baby wasn't mine. It was entrusted to me for a short time. It was my job to take care of the baby by making sure that I was getting enough rest, enough to eat, enough exercise, no caffeine and all sorts of other things that I was realizing daily. I was supposed to be a good steward by caring for that child in my womb but I never owned it. The Lord knit that baby together, not me.

I didn't have control over this baby at all. I hoped that we would have a perfect newborn in about seven months from now, but the truth is that leading up that point would mean nine months of letting God grow a baby in me. That would mean nine months of what-ifs and hands-on lessons in trusting God. And then the baby would be in the real world and I would worry about that child until my last breath. At no point was that baby's life in my control.

I'm not saying that the only reason I lost the baby was to teach me a lesson. It's just that so far, I've come face-to-face with the reality that not only is my life not my own (I Corinthians 6:19-20), but that baby's life wasn't mine either.

I tend to take the control of a situation for granted. To think that, for example, this is MY baby and that God is somehow doing me a favor by keeping it safe and healthy in my body. In reality, God had given me that child at that time for His perfect purpose. And my baby is safe and healthy. It will never know the sin and suffering of this world, only what it is like to live in the presence of God Himself.
In this situation, I am astounded by the power and might of God.

I shouldn't take anything for granted.