Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Why We Were Open

As you know, I've been fairly open about my miscarriage this summer. I was thinking about all the events of this summer recently, and decided to share some more thoughts about why I have been open, some of the responses, and maybe even some "things to say or do" tips, since that was one of my number one questions. I've decided to try and share a lot of those things over the rest of the month, so feel free to share your own thoughts or ask questions.Why

In this post, we'll tackle the WHY.

There were several reasons that we decided to tell people:

- I was in another country, supposed to be there for another few weeks, and I was coming home early. I didn't want to lie and tell people that I just missed Carson or something, because that wouldn't have been true (ps - I did miss Carson). In another situation, we probably wouldn't have been so public.

- Secondly, while I wouldn't have been so public, I would have told the people who are close to me. Friends and close family members would have been informed either way - I'm not sure how you go through a huge personal tragedy and manage to keep everyone out of it. I wanted and needed their support and encouragement.

Why we told people in person: 
Before I returned to the States, we decided that it would be good for Carson to let the leadership of our church know. I believe that they mentioned it at the prayer-time during the service on Sunday morning. Again, one of the reasons that we did this so publicly was because I'd publicly said that I was going to be gone till mid-July, and there I was, home in mid-June. I think that doing this was really helpful. People knew, and didn't have to feel terrible when they said, "So, why are you back early?" I wasn't afraid to tell them, but honestly "I had a miscarriage" is NOT the anticipated response and people just feel so bad for asking.

Why I shared it on the internet:
This is the same reason that I was incredibly quiet about my whereabouts until I posted about the miscarriage on the blog. If I were to mention the fun things I did one weekend, then have someone comment on Facebook and say "Wait, I thought you were in Ukraine?!", I would feel really bad telling them in a private message, or, worse, right there on my wall. I wrote the blog post for several reasons: I had a ton of feelings and I wanted to record them, and because I didn't want people to be caught off guard.

Thinking back...
In retrospect, I think that being open was good because it let people know, but from a distance. I wouldn't say that this is for everyone, but I will say that it was helpful in my situation. I received many, many responses from people who said that they were praying, or that they had been through similar circumstances. I was mostly encouraged by the response that I got, and I felt that sharing publicly allowed for a buffer for those who would rather avoid the awkward situation and say nothing, which by the way, I completely, completely understand.

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