Jetsetting

Rarely are we "on a whim" in our planning. Much of the time, I made plans that never come to fruition because we overthink and over plan ourselves into oblivion. 

So when we decided on a Wednesday night to leave on a Saturday morning to fly up to Maryland for the weekend, you could say that we were definitely out of character. But tickets weren't too bad (they're plane tickets, so "not too bad" is still "yeah, that wasn't my favorite expense but they're a means to an end") and Carson's brother just moved there so we went for it. 

We flew out of Jacksonville, which is two and a half hours from Tallahassee, so we had to get up at 3 to make it to the airport on time. 

Here we are in the airport parking shuttle golf cart, riding to the terminal.

We asked to sit next to each other and they gave us new tickets, then called us up a few minutes later to bump us up to first class for no reason. Not complaining.

The seats were comfy and Carson slept the whole way there.

They gave us drinks in real glasses and passed around snacks and remembered what we had and we got refills. It was the way to travel, and I wish all flying was like this. 

We arrived to the DC airport at 9am and Trent picked us up. Erin and I picked up lunch for the four adults at a barbeque place, and then later went adventuring. We were looking for a particular wharf/town on the water area and Google Maps took us to this (the only other thing there was some sort of processing plant), so we re-Googled and finally found it.

We explored some places but really liked this one called The Vintage Source. They were having a special event and it was clearly the place to be. 

They had all kinds of neat refinished furniture and things, and so Erin and I officially got bitten by the refinishing bug. 

We returned to watch the end of a fierce memory matchup show-down. The girls won, and not because anyone let them. 

The girls seemed to enjoy horsing around with Uncle Carson. They've gotten so big and although we always have fun with them, they were the most fun this weekend. 

It's great fun being a part of this family. 

The next day, it snowed! We went to church and caught snowflakes on our tongues and talked about how great snow was. I personally don't love snow very much any more, but the girls LOVED it. 

We went to a restaurant for lunch that served crab cakes! The fries were great too but I got the mashed potatoes, which I always always regret ordering places and remember too late.

The snow really came down while we were at lunch and by the time we got back to the house, the girls were so excited that they went running around in it (and then quickly went back inside because it was cold and windy).

Scuttle (the dog and yes that's the name of the Little Mermaid dog who he resembles) really liked it too. 

Carson and Trent stayed home with the girls and dogs (this is Chloe) while Erin and I went to a mall in Annapolis. It was a great mall with a Trader Joes and Jo-Anns and Homegoods next door so we spent a few hours out and then came home. 

The next morning, Carson and I got all packed up and then all of us got in the car to go to DC. First, Zariah decided to "do" Carson's hair. 

My car buddies for the first leg of the trip there... Brooklyn and Laela.

Kennedy is such a sweet big sister to Kiara. 

Everyone else went into a gas station for coffee and the rest of us stayed in the warm car. 

Okay, so it was 20 degrees or something and it was supposed to be a lot warmer so I didn't pack for that weather. Oh well. I would have still been a popsicle if I'd packed my warmest coat. We all ran to the Air and Space Museum to get out of the cold... two strollers, four adults and one kid walking... we were probably a sight. 

This was my first time at any of the Smithsonian Museums. They were closed for something when I came in 2008 and my other trips into DC have been for something else and I just haven't spent much time exploring it. It's one of my favorite cities still though and I really want to get a lot of time to explore sometime.  

Kiara, Brookyln, Laela, Zariah and Kennedy - they are getting so big and I wish I saw them every day!

They dropped us off at the airport but I had to get a picture with Erin first - my big sister!

That should have been the end of the adventure but in reality, our flight out was delayed a bit and then our connecting flight (in New York for no reason) was also delayed and then more delayed because they had to change a tire, and then that tire popped and the jack broke - twice - and then they finally got it on somewhere just before midnight. So this is us getting ready to board a plane after six hours in LaGuardia airport. 

This was our view flying out. Carson fell asleep before we'd even taken off so I accidentally knocked him in the head taking this picture and he wasn't happy. I should be sad but it was a cool view so he forgave me when he saw the picture.

We got home at about 5am because we'd flown into Jacksonville and it's almost three hours away. Because we thought our flight would be cancelled (and if it had the next flight which was also full wasn't until 11am), I used my first sick day at work because either way, getting home at 5am and then going to work all day long wasn't really a great idea.

It was all worth it and I loved that we did this short weekend.

Living Room Update

We rearranged our living room! I was feeling the itch to do something new and so I did - well, we did. Carson had to be the one to move the couch and the dresser because they're super heavy, but I moved everything else around while he was at the store grabbing a Powerball ticket and the last couple ingredients for dinner! 

Here are some panorama shots of the room. I wish I'd taken a good before picture the same way.

The view from the kitchen opening.

Really liking the little bookshelf in here. It might make things too busy in the dining area, but oh well. It declutters the living room area.

The tv is sort of in front of the door, but it's still useable. We have a blanket there because cold air was getting in. And I think the dresser under that busy wall looks a lot less cluttered than the shelf did. 

I'm liking this corner empty again because I can open the window again! I used to have a bookshelf by the couch here and I prefer it in the dining room because it declutters a little. I decided to clutter it up a little with some workout stuff. It will probably hide when we have people over.  

Definitively just took the Christmas things out of these glass containers and left them up. I am not a great mantel-decorator so I'm still brainstorming. 

Before:

Here's a history of the living room, for those interested and those who have visited at different times during these little updates: 

This was in the summer of 2014, when we moved in:

This was at Christmas last year. We'd just gotten our tv and there wasn't a spot for it so I made us rearrange the furniture as soon as we walked in the door from our Thanksgiving trip. Carson was surprisingly game. 

Post-Christmas 2014, we painted the dresser and decided that we liked things better with something in the corner where the tree was, so we moved the tv there, where it couldn't mess up our new paint job. 

I re-did the gallery wall on one of Carson's out-of-town conferences this fall. It provides a look at how this side of the room looked with things flipped... Cozy but sort of cluttered with all the books and busy wall. 

And here's Christmas 2015, just a couple of weeks ago. I liked the tree in that corner, although it did block the back door. We moved the rocking chair into the guest room, which I was happy about because I never liked it in the living room in the first place. 

Things That Lurk Below

(photo credit)

I like to look at the ocean, but I'm not particularly fond of swimming in it. If I can't see the bottom, I don't know what might be around me. For the most part, that's probably a good thing, but whether it's a jellyfish or a shark or a piece of seaweed, what may be lurking below me completely scares me. I'm perfectly find just sitting on the sand and dipping my toes in. I do love the ocean though. The sounds of the powerful waves, the smell of the saltwater, the feeling of the sun beating down and making me sleepy, even the people watching... all of it makes me go back, even though the ocean scares me a little. 

It isn't exactly the same, but right now for me, the idea of having a baby reminds me a little of the ocean. You see, I really want a baby. I believe that having a baby is a good thing, and I would really like to become a mother but pregnancy right now feels a little bit like the ocean to me. I see all the things about it that are great: feeling someone grow inside you, the anticipation of meeting that person, all the little things that happen. There are lots and lots of great things that I've heard about and a few that I've experienced. 

But then we have my actual experience to contend with. This would be the part of the ocean that makes me not want to spend too long in it: the sharks, the riptides, the creepy little fish, basically anything that is unknown. And here's the thing with that: my actual experience of being pregnant does not make me very hopeful. If anything else, it makes things a little worse, because the likelihood of getting eaten by a shark seems a lot more likely if you've had your arm nibbled at by one in the past. All of the good things about the ocean would sort of fade away and your entire perspective of the ocean would be SHARKS. All you would be able to think about is the possibility of SHARKS and SHARK BITES and the Jaws theme song. I'm guessing here about the shark thing, but I think I'm fairly close to the mark. 

So if you're tracking here, one hundred percent of my personal experience with pregnancy is miscarriage. That is my shark bite, and so far, I've been bitten every time I've jumped in the water. All of the good things about pregnancy and becoming a mother and having a family have this dark, shark-shaped shadow under the surface of the water that is miscarriage. 

For the most part, I see the shadow lurking there. It is the thing that keeps me awake at night more than any other, the thing that I wish was not coloring my views of pregnancy more than any other, and the thing that I pray against more than any other. It is there, always there, and regardless of how I pray, the danger of sharks in the ocean will never go away. 

These are the things that make it hard to trust God and be thankful for. It's bad enough to be bitten by a shark one time, but three? Does that mean that I should never get back in the ocean? Is it a sign? There are a lot of questions with answers that are probably not coming any time soon. 

What do we do in the face of a Great White Shark? We pray to our greater God. We pray to the One who has created pregnancy and who has lost His Son and who knew what my life would look like before it began. 

And then what? Do we jump in the ocean again? Do we trust wholeheartedly that this time nothing bad will happen? Do we find another way? Do we wait? Do we give up altogether?

I don't like stories without real resolution. They aren't really encouraging, aren't really motivating, and sort of seem to not have a point. I feel a little bit like this is one of those stories. Either I will get pregnant and have a baby or I won't. Either the shark will bite or it won't. Either it will happen this year or it won't. There is no satisfactory end to this yet. There is no baby on the way. There will always be sharks in the ocean. Stay tuned, folks. 

Happy 2016!

I ended 2015 with a bang... Forgetting my lunch and going through the Chic-fil-A drive thru. 

We had Mexican for dinner. The restaurant wasn't crowded at all... I guess the nice thing about having dinner at a normal dinner time on New Year's Eve is that you beat the crowd.

We sat on the couch in sweats and watched the countdown show. 

And pretty soon it was midnight! 

We slept in the next day since neither of us had to work. 

Taco Bell is our annual New Year's Day food. I only had the cinnamon things, but Carson had some food. 

And we pretty much just sat on the couch and started a new show. 

Carson got started on his new paint-by-number that I gave him for Christmas. 

And over the weekend, Brooke and I took our year picture. We've been doing this silly picture since 2007 and when we aren't together, we improvise and make a collage.