Living Without Regret: Thoughts From a Not-So-Great Hiking Experience

A few weeks ago, I climbed a mountain instead of studying for finals.

One of my friends called the night before and asked if I'd like to go hiking. I said yes, knowing that I had absolutely no need of hiking as it was the last study day before finals. After I made the commitment, I began to have regrets.

Hiking? REALLY, Lindsay? That's YOUR tuition money going to waste.

Half of me really wanted to go; the other half thought it would be wise to stay. Both sides came up with plenty of reasons why I should or should not stay home and study. In the end, of course, I went.

So, the mountain. It definitely reminded me of a hill, since it was grassy and warm. But it seemed mountainous because of the pine trees gathered near the top in the lingering snow and because of how steep it was. I began to wish the side of my brain that wanted to stay at home had won, because the "hike" I had envisioned now looked like more of a climb... going straight up the side of a mountain with no path. I wasn't excited anymore and sort of hoped to be able to stay behind and babysit the car.

Anyway, I got out of the car and pretended to be excited about the prospect of tumbling straight down the steep mountain, hitting a rock, and being unconscious for a really long time. But hey, at least not studying wouldn't matter anymore!

I felt like dying approximately 3.46 seconds into the journey. From the pace we were going, everyone else must have grown up near mountains; I grew up on a golf course. It's not comparable. My legs were screaming, my head hurt, things scratched up my legs... I was now in a very bad mood.... and then we walked through a cloud of bugs. Little ones that were very annoying and got in my nose.

The trip pretty much went like that. I didn't voice my lack of enjoyment in the process but inside, I was feeling the exact opposite of the happy smile plastered on my face. I ended up stopping about halfway up the mountain. All but one other person made it to the top (we're both from flat places without much climbing experience).

When I turned around to go down the mountain (a prospect I was very excited about), I stopped. It was beautiful. I probably throw that word around a lot but really, there was quite a view. The sky was bright blue, only a few clouds, and you could see for miles. There were green hills (other mountains) covered in trees, a body of water glistening in the sunshine. I took a picture but it didn't do it justice.

Looking at that gorgeous sight I got a lump in my throat. I truly wish I had enjoyed the rest of the hike because I had absolutely nothing to complain about. I not only wasted "precious study time" but I wasted enjoying that day. It could have been a really good opportunity to see God's handiwork in creation and thank Him for it but I didn't.

So I thought:
I don't want my life to be like my hike up the mountain was. I want my life to be completely not about me so that when I'm living life, I'm not focusing on myself and my little hurts and things that are making me uncomfortable. Because how horrible would it be to look back when I get really old (or not so old, but at the end of my life) and think, "Wow, that's beautiful, but I have so many regrets that I can't fully enjoy this. I didn't earn it."

At least you can move on from mistakes... because next time I climb a mountain, I intend to be happy about it. If I can't be happy about it, I won't go; I'll study :)

A life without regret because I lived it to the fullest? Yes.

Back in the South

I'm home! I got back last Sunday night and have been enjoying a rather slow week at home. It all feels a little surreal to think that I was across the country not too long ago but it's great to be back.
Scott and I were a little bored tonight so we took some candids in my room and on my porch... Oscar decided to join in also (bottom left corner).

Anyway, it's good to be back!
Thoughts and such coming soon :)

molly

molly.
first roommate.
likes the color green.
and polka dots.
dances and bounces all the time.
sleeps with the light and iPod on.
competitive.
likes action movies.
brunette.
can fix almost anything in the apartment.
from arizona.
"sister".
spontaneous.
lover of twix bars.
resident chef.
bunk mate.
friend.
:)

a story

Once upon a time...
There lived four girls. Two brunettes, one redhead, and a blond.

The four girls had met through the magical land of Facebook and did not know how living together would work. They thought it was random and by chance.

What they learned was that rooming together was absolutely the most amazing thing ever. They were a happy bunch of girls, living in a small apar... er... hut. The four girls lived together for one year. During that year, they grew a lot. They learned to live with strangers. They learned to cook by trial and error (and smoke alarm). They learned to be hospitable. They learned how to encourage and how to read people's likes and dislikes. They learned to clean and tidy up a house.

Most importantly though, they learned to love one another. This came as an unexpected surprise, since they had met through the unpredictable land of Facebook. They began to see one another as second family, for indeed, they saw them more often than their own family and friends from home.

The fact that they loved one another made parting very hard for the redhead. She loved her roommates but decided to leave them. It was one of the hardest decisions ever. The other three were quite sad but finally found a replacement for the redhead and she began to prepare to move to the great Windy City the following year.

As their time together drew to a close, they gathered to celebrate their time together and reminisce about the year they had shared with one another. They laughed, got choked up, and took lots of pictures.

So it was our last night as roommates (actually just my last night as their roommate... they'll be together for a few more years). We went to Olive Garden for dessert, then took lots of fun pictures in Riverfront Park. I can't believe it's been a year and that it's over and I'm going to Chicago. I definitely shed a couple tears. I'll definitely miss Spokane. I'm going to miss these girls next year. Boo... I miss them already!

exciting news, indeed

Finals are over.
Sophomore year has officially ended.
Summer is here.

Goodbye, semester!

Trust Issues

Grr... trust issues. I have them. They are so prevalent in my life and the bane of my existence.

Primarily, I think they all boil down to my trust issues with God. Quite honestly, I don't exhibit as much faith in Him as He deserves. A lot of my problems could be solved if I simply took my hands off the wheel.

I've also been noting that I have trust issues with people. They are also quite prevalent. I trust people on a surface-y level but I don't trust them with myself. How selfish I am! Not that I'm such an amazing blessing and that depriving people of time with Lindsay is robbery but instead of fully opening up to people, I tend to draw in to myself under the guise of being reserved. And that's just wrong.

As a child of God, I am to love people fully, sacrificially. I need to be willing and eager to give myself to people, to be vulnerable and to be real with them. How do I expect to minister to people unless I can open up and share what God's done in my life?

I don't want to be an open book or wear my heart on my sleeve, per say, but I want to be open and available to people without pre-judging and refusing to open up to them. That's decidedly unlike anything I know to be right.

So anyway, this is just something I'm praying through right now. Trusting God is hard... for some reason talking to the people He created is much harder.

I live with purpose (and you can too!)

I live...
Without regret.
With joy.
With expectancy.
With purpose.

Have you ever thought about it?

The life that you live was intended for you to do the things that you have done.

God is so strategic, placing you in a certain place for a certain reason with certain people who do certain things. He has you living with the family that you live with, the roommates, the spouse, the children, even the dog, for a reason. It's part of His plan.

God USES you. He uses me. He has a plan and intends to use it to magnify Himself. He wants His name to be glorified overall. That's why we live. For God alone. Therefore, I live with purpose. For God but with hope of so much more. God HAS a plan for my life and I'm in it. I know that. I know that I am where I am because of Him, without any doubt. He's used the things I despise from the past in my life just as He uses the things I do to honor Him. I can't get over how amazing it is that we are given such purpose and design. Every detail of my life, past and present, is in some way useful to the Master.

That, quite honestly, is completely overwhelming. It is all-consuming and gives so much direction. It's exciting and awing and...

Therefore, succinctly, I live with purpose.